365 in 2018 ~ Amanda Talk

Tuesday - Late lab. Had a crash bad. Muscle cramps fuzzy headed. Forgot some stuff. Misplaced some stuff. Went home and took a bunch of magnesium and drank some salt and salt lite water. Almost immediately had watery stools. Sounds like I'm peeing out of my ass. Or expelling an enema. Drank tons and tons of water. Had my straw cup made up so i could just suck it down. Repeated the water thing for two days. Took more mag after the bowels settles but not salt. I feel like drinking the salt upsets my tummy more than the mag. Cramps slowed but still present. Brain fuzz cleared but still present. Cravings are bad. When i see something i want it but i can't think of anything other than ice cream.  This morning (Friday) woke up and pits of shirt smells like ammonia. Tried looking it up as related to keto and all i could find was it was an indication of breaking down self protein and not eating enough fats.  We're going out to eat Sunday for our anniversar...

I Think it's 42? This time I lost a whole week. Had a nice little migraine yesterday. I need a BUJO ap, this isn't working.

Feb 4. Lost another day. I'm PMSing and craving shit I've gone nearly 4 weeks without. This is stupid. Hormones are stupid. I have lost maybe 5 lbs in a month. I'm so frustrated with my body.

Feb 2. Groundhog day. Tried to talk yesterday. Said how I feel; of course it's all excuses. I can't help it, I told you I felt like my memory was shit, I can't remember anything, etc. etc. It's always excuses. It's always excuses. I just don't like feeling like this. I don't like feeling like I'm ignored and don't want to bother telling you anything because you're not going to remember it anyway. I don't know what to do or how to act but I don't have anyone to talk to. so that sucks. I wish he were more confident. I wish he didn't follow me around like a puppy almost, waiting for me to notice him, for me to initiate movement. He's so cautious and careful around me, walking on egg shells. I hate it. I want to smash the fucking eggshells. Stop acting like I'm going to kick you if you touch me. you follow me around acting like that for 15 minutes, then I want to kick you when you touch me.

Feb 1. I'm going to have a hard time keeping up with the days of the year after this! Had another incidence of feeling like I was ignroed yesterday. talking about things to make for my upcoming party I got roped into; I had the bright idea to make a few things keto so that I could actually partake in my own horderves. I said, I can make spinach artichoke dip and just eat it with like veggies, and some sausage balls. literally, 5 minutes later, dh was like; what about sausage balls? Um fucking said that 5 minutes ago. thanks for letting me know you were not listening while i was talking. I don't know why I bother.